What Have I Been Doing?

Is it my brain or my heart that is making me unlike myself? It has been about 6 weeks now, my brain is either thinking of nothing or just thinking about you. Why am I no longer thinking about school work like how I used to in the past. Every time I'm free during bus journey, about to sleep, bathing or eating, I would have ideas for my work and that I'll think further if the idea would work. But now, I've lost that brain thing, I'm seriously not thinking at all or just thinking about you. Why is it so difficult. I can appear as if I'm alright everyday, but it is obvious to see the different work I produce compared to the past. I know there are people helping me, I'm trying too and after all, I'm still a human.

I don't want to give false hope. I don't like how people look at us (Noel and me), because to be frank, I still have feelings for KT which I know it has to fade. There is just no way I'll get on a relationship. I really thank you, Noel, for being there, but I always treat you as a good friend, like a brother. I really need to let you know that there's no chance at all. I appreciate what you've done for me. But everything is just too much for me to handle because you're doing too much for me. I fear to reject because I'm afraid to be alone.

P.S. My brain is still in the midst of turbulence.